The Sixth Estate
Thursday, May 11, 2006
 
Poseidon and What Not To Do While Drinking

When daffodils begin to peer,
With heigh! the doxy over the dale,
Why, then comes in the sweet o' the year;
For the red blood reigns in the winter's pale.


REVIEW
Poseidon
6.5/10 STARS



Wow that was a big explosion! Hey what are your names again?

What is it with Wolfgang Petersen and water? The director has given us such ocean-based movies as Das Boot and The Perfect Storm. Now Petersen caps off his soaking-wet trilogy with Poseidon. Poseidon is a big budget remake of the 1972 Irwin Allen disaster flick The Poseidon Adventure. The story is simple. A massive cruise ship capsizes after being hit by a rogue wave and a rag-tag group of survivors must fight to escape from the overturned ship. Like all good disaster movies, Poseidon sticks to the genre conventions - cookie cutter characters, panicky idiots, little or no plot development and as much action as possible. Poseidon certainly doesn't let down in the action department, but it's hard to care about characters you hardly know.

Poseidon will most likely be a breakthrough role for Josh Lucas. Lucas plays a professional gambler traveling on the cruise ship Poseidon, trying to hustle rich people out of their money through high stakes poker. That's all you really know about the character, and then the wave hits. It's not much, but Lucas gives a good performance, the first of many for him, I'm sure. Poseidon is also a second wind of sorts for Kurt Russell and Richard Dreyfuss. Both actors have not starred in Hollywood blockbusters for several decades. They both do well with what they're given. Kurt Russell plays the heroic former firefighter and leader of the survivors. Richard Dreyfuss plays a suicidal man who finds a reason to live in helping the other survivors escape. Again, that is about as much character information as you get from the movie. Lastly, I would be loath to forget the lovely Emmy Rossum, who plays Kurt Russell's daughter in the film. She played Jake Gyllenhaal's love interest in The Day After Tomorrow, so she's no stranger to the disaster movie genre. I'd be lying if I said her cleavage in the film didn't provide a pleasant distraction from all the death and drowning.

The effects and action sequences are top notch. (I would expect no less from a movie budgeted at a rumoured $140 million dollars!) When the rogue wave capsizes the ship, it has to be one of the more impressive effects sequences ever put on film. There is really nothing to complain about in respect to the action - it's the character development that falls flat in Poseidon. If you don't know anything about a character beyond the obvious, you're not likely to care when they meet their untimely demise. Main characters drop like flies in Poseidon, and I found myself unmoved by their always gruesome fates. That being said, you're not going to see Poseidon for deep plot and character development - you're there to see a cruise ship capsize and the survivors deal with the aftermath.

If you enjoyed such original Irwin Allen disaster movies as The Poseidon Adventure and The Towering Inferno then you'll love Wolfgang Petersen's Poseidon. If you also enjoy destruction and mayhem on a cruise ship wide scale, you'll like what this movie has to offer. Petersen puts his band of survivors through hell, and it's all for your entertainment. Poseidon is most definitely an entertaining movie. Just don't expect subtle character development and an exacting plot - just a lot of water and explosions.

Moving on....

Original Unmolested Star Wars Trilogy on DVD



Star Wars purists rejoice, the Star Wars you remember from your childhood is coming to DVD. So sayeth Lucasfilm! Free of that revisionist film historian we all know as George Lucas. No more silly dance number in Jabba's palace, the return of the Nub Nub song, and Greedo getting his ass blown away FIRST by Han Solo.

Personally, I don't mind the Special Editions. I would be happy with them if they just fixed the Greedo shooting first bit. I can't have it both ways it seems. It's either the Original or Special Edition... No hybrid edition.

However, maybe some of those hybrid editions will be coming our way according to Wired News' Lore Sjoberg.

From the The Anyone-Shoots-First Edition to The All-Wampa Edition, yes we can only hope that Lucasfilm will release these versions as well.

Wired News Article
.

And on the topic of Star Wars

Make sure you see this hilarious parody from the Cartoon Network show Robot Chicken.

Darth Vader phones the Emperor after the rebels destroy the Death Star. Featuring the voice talents of Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane. Genius.



So good.


Mario: Brooklyn Plumber or Marxist Revolutionary?




In an unprecedented investigative report, one man examines the hidden links between everyone's favourite obese, Italian-American plumber with a penchant for magic mushrooms and Marxist-Leninist revolutionaries bent on world domination. An interesting and disturbing read indeed.
To anyone raised in the 80’s, few names have such impact as the Super Mario Brothers do. We played their video games, watched their cartoon show, read their newsletter, bought their merchandise, ate their breakfast cereal, and even watched the piece of shit movie "The Wizard" starring the young, chubby cheeked miscreant Fred Savage because Super Mario Brothers 3 made an appearance.

But aside from the slightly racist stereotyping of Mario and Luigi as food loving, NY fat bodies with ridiculous Italian accents, was there anything really insidious behind the scenes? The staff here at Murderize.com has found something more, something…sinister…lurking behind the mustached countenances of Mario and Luigi. We don't have enough evidence to prove anything, just a sparse trail of bread crumbs to follow. And this trail begins with the game that started it all, Super Mario Bros. Beware brainwashed fools, for this stunning expose will change the way you look at your favorite Nintendo hero forever. No longer the innocent Brooklyn plumbers, it now appears Mario and Luigi are nothing more than communist puppets engineered to program, oh so subtly, Marxist ideals into our impressionable minds!
Read the full article here.

Thanks to Max for the link.

Continuing on the video game theme...

It's That Time of Year Again... E3!!!


Raiden is back... And this time with less lameness!

Yes the Electronic Entertainment Expo is back! Mini-Christmas for gamers as I like to call it. All the hottest new titles and new hardware is unveiled, and gamers drool in collective awe.

I'm most excited about Metal Gear Solid 4 for the Playstation 3. But there are so many amazing games, I just don't have time to list them all.

For all your game trailer needs and latest E3 News check out The E3 Insider and Gamespot.

Go nuts boys and girls, it's Mini-Christmas.

And finally the most ridiculous thing I have read in a long time...

Supermodel Mistakes Bus Exit Door for Bathroom Door




Truly unbelievable...
Leave it to a blonde supermodel to do exactly the kind of stuff you'd expect a blonde supermodel to do. Like mistake the bathroom door for the exit door and step off a moving bus onto a freeway at 40 mph. Russian model Tatyana Simanava did exactly that on Tuesday, and ended up smashing her arm, dislocating a shoulder, and cutting her face and head.
Get the whole story plus hilarious commentary at The Superficial.

Exams are over. Time to drink away my stress!

- Will
 

3 Comments:

Don't worry Tatyana, I'll still marry you....as long as your injuries fully heal...without scarring....

By Anonymous Tax, at Friday, 12 May, 2006  

Fuck the dance number in ROTJ...wtf kind of addition was that...

By Anonymous Chris, at Friday, 12 May, 2006  

Super Mario is the result of the average American culture: near to 0. In any case also when an English speaker speak Italian sounds ridicolous

By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 03 July, 2006  

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