The Sixth Estate
Friday, January 28, 2005
QUOTE OF THE DAY : "I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor." - Jon Stewart

SONG OF THE DAY : Handsome Boy Modeling School - A Day In The Life

LINK OF THE DAY : Funny Episode 3 Spoof

I have no words:
My voice is in my sword: thou bloodier villain
Than terms can give thee out!

Tara Reid plays a brilliant scientist... ?

It's that time again. Director Uwe Boll has brought us yet another cinematic gem.
Alone in the Dark

Based very, very... very loosely on the PC Game of the same name Mr. Boll has once again one-upped himself with his latest film. Yes, that's right the man who gave us House of the Dead actually has some "stars" to work with this go 'round.

Hollywood power players Christian Slater and Tara Reid star in what is sure to be an early Oscar contender for next year. I'm too lazy to sum up the plot, so many thanks to the person that wasted their time over at It sounds like an incredible film.

Edward Carnby (Slater), detective of the paranormal, unexplained and supernatural, investigates a mystery (the recent death of a friend) with clues leading to "Shadow Island" that brings him face to face with bizarre horrors that prove both psychologically disturbing and lethal, as he discovers that evil demons worshiped by an ancient culture called the Abskani are planning on coming back to life in the 21st century to once again take over the world... And only he and a young genius anthropologist with an incredible memory (and his ex-girlfriend), Aline Cedrac (Reid), stand in their way, at a gateway to hell. Standing in Carnby's way, however, is the impact that a brief encounter with an evil spirit called the Queen had upon his mind, as he slowly finds himself overpowered by the forces of darkness as they eat away at his very sanity...

That's right, Tara Reid is a genius anthropologist with an incredible memory. I honestly never thought I would read or write such an oxymoronic sentence... But here we are people.

Now I could write entire tomes about how shitty and ridiculous Uwe Boll's movies are. But that would be like punching a blind guy with no arms. His movies speak volumes of his ability as a film maker. How he ever got a start in the industry is a mystery that may never be answered.

So weekend movie viewers I have a request of you. I implore you, for your own good DO NOT SEE ALONE IN THE DARK. Any kind of financial success will only embolden Mr. Boll further, resulting in him making more "quality" films. If you value your brain cells, good taste and/or eyes... Don't pay to see this film. You've been warned, any damages caused to you by this movie, physical or mental are not my fault. The blame will lay firmly in Mr. Boll's hands.

I won't be seeing this movie, not now, not ever. I beseech you, do yourself a favour and avoid this movie at all costs.

I leave you now with the trailer for Uwe Boll's next exciting video game adaptation : Blood Rayne. Good God! What happened to you Ben Kingsley... I thought you were cool.

Shuddering uncontrollably
- Will


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