The Sixth Estate
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
QUOTE OF THE DAY : "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - Unknown

SONG OF THE DAY : The Roots - Over the Water.

LINK OF THE DAY : The Eccentric Billionaire Owner of the Dallas Mavericks has a Blog.

O, it is excellent to have a giant's strength,
But it is tyrannous to use it like a giant.

And The Cramming Continues...

Well thank you Hollywood! I can now die a happy man because those crazy cats that brought us the original Scooby Doo movie are sending us another cinematic tour de force... Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed!

That's a computer generated dog! NO WAY!

Don't worry though, I'm sure the producers of this future Oscar winner are making it with the best of intentions. HEY! No they aren't! They're raping the collective childhood of millions of people and shaming a classic cartoon! Oh you studio execs... When will you learn that preserving classics is more important that making a quick buck.

Now I've heard that Matthew Lillard does one hell of a Shaggy impersonation, this however does not redeem the movie. Congrats dumbass you can imitate a cartoon character in a horrible live action version of the original! Casey Kasem would be spinning in his grave!

The film(if I dare call it that) also stars Freddie Prinze Jr. , Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alicia Silverstone. It was also directed by the same man who brought us the original movie. Raja Gosnell. Director of Big Momma's House and Home Alone 3. Boy... They sure are scraping the bottom of the barrel on this one. When was the last time one of these people made a decent movie? Oh yeah... Never. We all know the successes Freddie Prinze Jr. and Matthew Lillard have brought us in the past: She's All That, Wing Commander, Summer Catch, and the first Scooby Doo movie. Their resumes speak volumes of the inevitable crap-fest that will be Scooby Doo 2. I mean... Wing Commander! Did you see that movie?

I've seen bits in pieces of the first one. Only as a result of working at a movie theatre and being bored on that particular day. There was no way in hell I was paying to see that one. My verdict, without a doubt one of the shittiest movies I've ever seen. I tried to see it from a child's perspective... Presumably it's target audience... And was awe struck by the laboured humour and lame story. An average episode of the cartoon was far superior to the film.(Again I use this term loosely.)

As for the titular CGI dog. Well done for what it was, but it doesn't look real at all. Isn't the point of making a live action film to strive for some sense of realism? Cartoon physics do not work well in live action, it just looks weird. I'm sure the modellers and animators worked hard on Scooby Doo so I'm not going to take a crack at them... It just doesn't work. And I anticipate the same if this trailer is any indicator of the finished product.

You'll notice the trailer for Scooby Doo 2 contains many monsters. Apparently the plot of the new movie is that all the monsters the gang fought previously are back... For some unknown reason. My favourite has to be the 7 foot tall mummy-ogre thing... It looks like Yoda on steroids with a pinch of cave troll. Well done.

The Recipe for a Scooby Doo Movie.

4 Parts talentless actors from lame teen movies.
1 Part mediocre director
1 Part mediocre writer
1 Part Studio eager to make a quick buck on people's childhood memories.
1 Badly executed Computer Generated cartoon dog.
1 Part classic Saturday Morning cartoon.

Mix and Bake... Badly. Serve to clueless public who has no idea what they're getting into.
Make enough money to ensure another sequel... somehow.

This formula should be a recipe for disaster... But somehow the people just keep coming. If you keep taking the crap that Hollywood is dishing out... THEY WON'T STOP SERVING IT! Boycott bad movies!

Believe me, I'm not an eternal cynic... I just don't like bad movies. Especially bad movies that are remakes... Oh wait... Must use industry word for that.... Ah yes... Contemporary retellings of things I enjoyed a great deal as a child.

If they do this to The Transformers movie that's in the works... There will be hell to pay.

In other news, my friend just got Battlefield Vietnam the anticipated sequel to Battlefield 1942. It's a massively multiplayer first person shooter set in, you guessed it Vietnam. Yesterday's horrific warfare is now todays online entertainment! I can't wait to play it.

If only we could instill some of the horrors of war into the gameplay. Players should actually incur injuries! Shrapnel wounds, Agent Orange exposure, Napalm burns, Sucking chest wounds, Being shot by Americans from Huey's for entertainment etc.

I actually really want to play the game. It lets you do pretty much everything. In games with up to 128 people! You can drop bombs and napalm in an F-4 Phantom, dog fight with MIG's, patrol the river in PCF boats, engage Charlie in brutal guerrilla warfare in the jungles of Vietnam.... Yes good times indeed. You can be the North Vietnamese or the Americans in what is sure to be a classic.


That guy who writes this blog.



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